My mess-
Not sure where to start.....so I guess the begining is the best place. Not sure if I should or want to air my dirty laundry on the net. But, I need to get it out or I am going to explode. I can not continue to bug friends with all of my drama. So, maybe someone will read this and maybe they wont.
I have been married for 12 years, and have 2 children. About 1 month ago I cheated....I commited adultry. I am not proud of what I did. My wife found out and is considering a divorce. My marriage hasnt been perfect, mainly because of my actions. I did something horrible and I know I have to pay the piper. I want nothing more than to fix this, my wife wants nothing more than to not be near me. We are still in the same house mainly due to our current financial situation. Which is poor and adding to the stress of the situation. I want to go counseling and have been going on my own for the past month. My wife wants nothing to do with it. Right now we are just co-existing. It is rough, I never wanted to hurt her and I dont even know why I even did it honestly other than being selfish. Well I really need to sleep now. If I can it is 10:30 pm and I have been up since 3 am. I havent slept much or ate much over the last month. Part of me hopes to get feed back here. Part of me hopes no one ever sees this.......night all!
June 6th, 2011:
ReplyDeleteWell today is my 39th birthday. Damn am I old, to old to be doing dumb stuff. I havent had a chance to post a lot since I starting this. I hope I can make up with it. Well in my last post I sort of touched on my mess. Not going to re-live it, but I am a jerk.....enough said.
My wife's step aunt passed away this weekend so she is out of town attending the funeral. Which sucks I mean not be because its my b-day but because her aunt died. I was an anxious mess today. I think it was because I was just letting my imagination run away with me. We were low on cash so I gave the wife the money I got from my bday so she could eat and all that tonight.
She seemed a little cold and distant today, which I chalked up to her being busy at work and the grim task she had to attend to tonight. She is staying in a hotel with her step-mom tonight and will be home tomorrow. I am trying not to bug her much and I understand her not answering me, but our son has texted her twice and left her a message to call. But she never did. This is the kind of thing that gets my anxiety all worked up, my imagination goes crazy........I know she is with her sisters and step mom so nothing is going on but I just cant help it. She is not the type to do what I did. God, I am such a low piece of shit..........................good night. I seriously doubt anyone ever reads this but me but helps me get shit off my chest.